O great Cthulhu of the underwater city of R'lyeh, hear my plea! As you dangle from the front of my messenger bag, use your noodley tentacles to strike terror in those who would snoop therein, for it contains the secrets of a thousand years of gum wrappers and candy shop receipts!O dread elder god Cthulhu, keep my cell phone and its charger most holy (when I remember to pack it) protected in its compartment! Specifically, the compartment beside the zipper where you reside in slumber, ready to awaken at the sign of trouble!O powerful Cthulhu, you are so horrifically cute! For lo, your wings are stubby and adorable, as is your belly most ticklish! Get over here, widdle fellaâ...I mean terrifying elder god! Whatever!